Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We are all done wearing pants today
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
