He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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