i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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