he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
