The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
