The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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