You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
