I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You smell like a Billy Joel song
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
