im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
