Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize