do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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