my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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