You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just had sex bonerless
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
