I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I love you.
Bad choice
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
