I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
tonight lets celebrate not being married
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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