he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
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At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
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I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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