I don't usually arrange sex via text message
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
