My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
handjob tips. give me some.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
