A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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