Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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