I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
