it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
