You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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