I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
