I accidentally burped into my bong.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
