sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize