ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
