I need help removing her.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
