This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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