No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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