youre lurking in front of me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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