don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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