Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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