How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
