So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize