I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
