"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
