Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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