the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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