You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
there is glitter all over my balls
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