i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think my vagina is haunted
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My ass is underappreciated
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
