Cold hands, warm shart.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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