He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
