Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
