the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
