Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
ttyl tear gas
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
