Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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