this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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