We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
