The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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