So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
bring money and cleavage
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
