I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
