he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
