Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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