Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
