Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
