Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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