you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize