I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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