I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
