Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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