ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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