Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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