What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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