in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
