i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
