he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
