If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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