Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have already put on my inside pants.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
