Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
