Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
